"I'm trying to let go of my tight, clutching, fear response to life and adopt a gentle approach."
This is probably the only real lesson there is on the spiritual journey. Everything else is window dressing.
For me the key to getting past the “tight, clutching, fear response to life,” is simply being aware. I need to see the "clutching, fear response" when it comes. I need to recognize it in my body, learning the feel of it and then, not judging it, but going to a different place in my body. I think this is really a physical process before it is a mental process.
We cannot think our way out of the "clutching, fear response." We just need to recognize the tightness and then affirm that there is a place within ourselves that knows better and is stronger and more real. When we can get in touch with that wiser, deeper place in our being, we will respond differently.
For me, finding this deeper place means taking a deep breath, choosing not to disassociate myself from whatever is going on, staying present with whatever is happening, holding my ground where I am, feeling my feet on the floor or the weight of my body in the chair. It means intentionally choosing to relax my shoulders, my hands, the muscles around my face. It means looking out from my eyes with openness and receptivity instead of caution, uncertainty, doubt, and fear.
In our service this morning we read Psalm 46. The whole Psalm evokes this strong, steady, open place so beautifully. The key in the Psalm is that this strength does reside within us. We are not in any real danger. The Psalmist says, “God is in the midst of the city; it shall not be moved.” (46:5) I see myself as “the city,” with God in the depths of my being. Therefore I “shall not be moved.” I do not need to be tossed about, pushed this way and that way by every breeze that blows past. What could possibly hurt me? “The nations are in an uproar, the kingdoms totter; he utters his voice, the earth melts.” (46:6) God in me is my “refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.” (46:1) There is nothing to fear!
The external forces that pound against my life, only have power over me to the degree that I give them power. I don’t know why I would spend my life giving power over my life to people, events, or circumstances that occur outside myself. Why would I allow someone’s opinion of me, or their words to me, or the way they look at me cause me to close down and become rigid? This “clutching, fear response,” is simply a learned automatic reaction. I can program into my being a different more life-giving response.
Sitting in silent prayer has so much to do with this. It is such an important discipline. Twice a day for twenty minutes, I choose to let go over and over of all those external forces that in the past I have allowed to control my life. Instead, I intentionally rest in that steady place of strength that is my true nature and is the gift of God’s Spirit dwelling in me.
I think, the more I am in that place in prayer, the easier it is for me to find it in the hurly burly of daily life. Then, when I am confronted with some external force that would normally cause me to tense up and retreat I can stand my ground and flow out from that peaceful place. Then I don't even really have to "adopt a gentle approach." It is just there, because that place is a gentle place. Gentleness becomes our natural response rather than the defensiveness that has been so habitual. The gentleness is not a product of my discipline. It is a fruit of God’s Spirit dwelling within me. Because I have rested in the presence of the peaceful, gentle Spirit, I live more peacefully and gently.
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